My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
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he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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