yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
