There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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