I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
