See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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