I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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