I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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