Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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