Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
