I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
