well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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