Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
