so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
