Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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