Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
