I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
