The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
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In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
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I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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