Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
