You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize