Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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