We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
