There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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