I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
