I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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