Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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