I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
