No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
