Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
