Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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