Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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