The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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