and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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