there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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