dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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