the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
