you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
