I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
