'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
