Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
