His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
