mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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