You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
