dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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