College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize