why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
