Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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