after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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