i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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