dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have tasted many bathrooms
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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