I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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