we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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