what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
