The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
