We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im six kinds of drunk right now
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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