Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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