I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
