Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
