just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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