3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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