Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
