He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
