I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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