This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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