Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
