the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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