i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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