come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
