My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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